degenerate gambler
first, the pain faded away
then the songs went away
the trouble in front of me remained
what am i to make of this?
it feels like a peaceful falsehood
everyone is running toward something
they’re moving with purpose, rushing to the center with the bell tower
i trip at my first step
my ears start ringing
with the sounds of heavens gates swinging
numbness made me a slave
and when i was given the chance to negotiate
i fell silent with my head in hands
piss&jizz running down my pants
like my fate had already been decided before my sentence
the resistance from within
that human impulsion to dominate was absent
all that was there was the compulsion to be dominated
like a starving eagle unwilling to fight a pompous pigeon
but willing to fight its own kind
i fell as destiny’s punters left the stands
much pride is held in wearing new clothes despite the lacking prestige
than wearing unmarked used couture
should and shouldn’t
good and bad
right and wrong
embarrassment and regret
all became the strings to his life
being pulled by all the people whose reaction he wanted to control
in the end, his own reactions to his life were all sold
nothing belonged to him
he was afraid
like a degenerate gambler,
he owed everyone everything