degenerate gambler

degenerate gambler

first, the pain faded away

then the songs went away

the trouble in front of me remained

what am i to make of this? 

it feels like a peaceful falsehood

everyone is running toward something

they’re moving with purpose, rushing to the center with the bell tower

i trip at my first step

my ears start ringing

with the sounds of heavens gates swinging  

numbness made me a slave 

and when i was given the chance to negotiate

i fell silent with my head in hands

piss&jizz running down my pants

like my fate had already been decided before my sentence

the resistance from within 

that human impulsion to dominate was absent

all that was there was the compulsion to be dominated 

like a starving eagle unwilling to fight a pompous pigeon

but willing to fight its own kind

i fell as destiny’s punters left the stands

much pride is held in wearing new clothes despite the lacking prestige 

than wearing unmarked used couture 

should and shouldn’t

good and bad

right and wrong

embarrassment and regret 

all became the strings to his life

being pulled by all the people whose reaction he wanted to control 

in the end, his own reactions to his life were all sold

nothing belonged to him

he was afraid

like a degenerate gambler, 

he owed everyone everything