i tried to escape
.
i tried to escape the mind…
today, i tried to escape the mind
couple days now
trying to answer paradoxical questions
hoping to find the truth
but in the pursuit of peace and freedom from the mind
it aches and feels heavy
a malfunction in the electrical circuitry
a short circuit
putting the rest of life on pause
it is like moving to the light
taking a couple of steps
and as you lift your foot for the next one
you feel shackles
stopping you midway
upon first glance, they cannot be seen
but being made aware of it
my whole body feels bondaged
society’s prescriptions like “let go” tighten their grip
the ground upon which i stand
the integrity of the foundation which i never questioned
the illusion; it all shatters
what the fuck does it even mean to “let go”?
who the fuck told me that? when did they tell me that?
and why am i living according to unquestioned algorithms
the prescriptions are in layers all covering the molten inside
where the core of my being lays
some call it the spirit
confusion, embarrassment, and hopelessness are just some of the feelings
that i feel right now
thinking about the state of my mind
there is no panic
just a slow piercing pain
which cannot wait to be resolved
understanding more of the mind
and how little access i have to it
and all the falsehoods it has been conditioned to
brings with it more darkness
like swimming into the deep abyss
unexplored territory
im afraid
that i won’t last long before i come up for air
it is already so uncomfortable
and i have just been exposed to it
it is a painful realization
that most thoughts are lies
they are adoptions from other people
speaking a different language
using other people’s voice
harmonized in society
but it is not my own