i tried to escape the mind

i tried to escape


i tried to escape the mind…

today, i tried to escape the mind

couple days now

trying to answer paradoxical questions

hoping to find the truth 

but in the pursuit of peace and freedom from the mind

it aches and feels heavy

a malfunction in the electrical circuitry 

a short circuit 

putting the rest of life on pause

it is like moving to the light 

taking a couple of steps 

and as you lift your foot for the next one

you feel shackles 

stopping you midway

upon first glance, they cannot be seen

but being made aware of it 

my whole body feels bondaged

society’s prescriptions like “let go” tighten their grip 

the ground upon which i stand 

the integrity of the foundation which i never questioned 

the illusion; it all shatters 

what the fuck does it even mean to “let go”?

who the fuck told me that? when did they tell me that?

and why am i living according to unquestioned algorithms 

the prescriptions are in layers all covering the molten inside

where the core of my being lays 

some call it the spirit

confusion, embarrassment, and hopelessness are just some of the feelings

that i feel right now 

thinking about the state of my mind 

there is no panic 

just a slow piercing pain 

which cannot wait to be resolved

understanding more of the mind 

and how little access i have to it 

and all the falsehoods it has been conditioned to 

brings with it more darkness

like swimming into the deep abyss 

unexplored territory 

im afraid 

that i won’t last long before i come up for air

it is already so uncomfortable

and i have just been exposed to it 

it is a painful realization 

that most thoughts are lies

they are adoptions from other people

speaking a different language 

using other people’s voice 

harmonized in society 

but it is not my own