deep regression

been looking at my computer so much 

losing my sight cause I lost my vision 

listening to ye

this pain got an atheist looking to religion 

looking for a shoulder to lean on

my asymmetries got me feeling off 

i need a club so I can invite these demons to fight

i hope i’m gon be alright 

as long as I got demons in sight like I’m introspective

these dark long nights are interesting

so much interacting 

the more I see the more empty I become 

no depression

just a deep regression 

i’m slidin

fightin

these suicidal thoughts seepin in 

not who I used to be 

boxed in by who I’ve become

from nineteen years sober to doing drugs

feeling like a cheat code

nah nah nah 

too scared to cheat my codes

tryna dial in but I got on aeroplane mode

while I’m buying this haute couture

two hundred dollar ripped carhartt jacket 

shit

thats poor couture

slow motion car crash

thoughts running my mind like a 100m dash

tryna make it to the finish

these bright lights blinding my eyes like the windows 

tryna sleep in the mornings

mourning

the person i used to be 

five am runs in melbourne winters like uber eats

hullucinating when exhausted, but never missin days

now im laying in my bed missing those days 

bed ridden 

crippled on the inside

lookin at the ceiling thinkin about goin outside

this lockdown got me feeling drown

deep waters too cold

i’ve let myself down

we humans think we’re immortal 

heaven and hell because we’ll never be total 

not livin’, summing up net worth before death 

too shallow to explore depth 

feeling inept 

seeing photos on explore showing benz’, mclarens and F1

what do i have to do to impress all these bens and karens for me to be one

whole

so sick 

of consuming these dark twisted thoughts

my brain don’t try fighting (MBDTF)

i dont wanna have to

behave,

explain,

complain

coz motherfuckers gonna disdain 

i’m not here for that

i’m in pain